Amid the rising anxiety and anger vexing Americans today, I wanted to write about what it means to lead in this nasty environment. First I thought about focusing on the president, then congress, or corporate leaders; but each time I started, I found myself veering back to one person in particular: my high school tennis coach, who won a national award for his exemplary leadership, and who has some lessons to inspire us all.

There are more than enough examples these days of challenges of leading in a nasty world. But anything I would say points me back to Rich Johns, a real life example of a genuine leader.  A couple of years ago, Rich won the Starfish Award given out by the United States Tennis Association, for his “no-cut” system of high school coaching. Every kid who comes out to play is on the team. But that’s only the beginning of the story.

First off, don’t misread how or why he won the USTA award: he’s no pushover. Lesson #1, He loves winning, and he’s not afraid to say so. Indeed, he’s one of the most demanding people I’ve ever known. His teams (both girls and boys) win religiously.

Lesson #2, he expects each player to leave everything they’ve got on the court. He will settle for nothing less than highly competitive play. I’ll never forget the season I played number one singles for him, and during one match I got sick and was hit by heat stroke. I didn’t want to quit, and nor did he ask me to. Instead, he laid me out on the cool shower-room floor, doused me with water, and then talked me into going back on the court to finish and win the match. He doesn’t like to lose.

But then there’s Lesson #3: he expects fair play at every turn and he brooks no one crossing the line. I’ve seen him argue firmly and openly with other coaches about their players’ cheating; and I’ve seen him take on his own players for the same. To him, there are some rules that should never be broken because they strike to the very heart of what it means to have integrity.

Lesson #4 is that he expects his players to play with respect. He’s a legend in my hometown for this, and it’s something he’s fast becoming nationally known for.  Rich implores you to fight your hardest, but always treat others with honor and dignity. These can be difficult notions to hold simultaneously. But the bottom-most player deserves the same respect as the top dog. Everyone participates; no one sits courtside. No excuses, ever.  You show respect for others, and you learn to respect yourself.

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And yet, if it comes down to compromising his core principles, he’s willing to lose and play for another day. We need more leaders like Rich.

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What does this have to do with the national scene today? Two keys I want to mention here. First, in sports, as in politics, and in all parts of life, we need more leaders like Rich Johns. You always know where he stands, and he always speaks clearly so you can hear him. He doesn’t hide, flinch, or retreat. What he values is crystal clear. What’s more, what he does is not about himself or his own aggrandizement; rather, he seeks to advance a cause larger than himself (in case, the life and growth of kids). And in pursuit of this cause, he is never dogmatic, always open to working things out. And yet, if it comes down to compromising his core principles, he’s willing to lose and play for another day. We need more leaders like Rich.

Here’s the second key: when you find leaders like Rich – whether they’re athletic coaches or politicians or someone else – let them know that you value and support them, even if, or especially when, you do not agree with them. Too many leaders are getting undercut in these nasty times. Please, sit down and write them a letter or email today to let them know! When we see good leaders, we must stand by them.

So, for me, thanks Rich Johns, for being my mentor and friend since 1974, when we first met, when I was only 14 years old. Thank you for being someone I look up to, stand by, and love with all my heart.

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A dynamic public speaker, Rich Harwood is a frequent keynote for foundations and national organizations. He is an expert contributor on national and syndicated media outlets including MSNBC, NPR, The Christian Science Monitor, CNN’s Inside Politics, The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer, Special Report with Brit Hume, C-SPAN, and many others. He is also the author of Hope Unraveled: The people’s retreat and our way back (2005), Make Hope Real: How we can accelerate change for the public good (2008) and numerous studies, articles and essays chronicling vital issues of our time. His most recent written work, Why We’re Here: The Powerful Impact of Public Broadcasters When They Turn Outward, is being published and distributed in Spring 2011. You can follow him on twitter @RichHarwood and facebook.com/richharwood.

You can read Rich’s posts every Tuesday on State of the Re:Union’s website.

Simple outrage would be the easy (and potentially right) response to the crazy situation in which Rep. Anthony Weiner finds himself embroiled. But, it’s more pain and sadness I feel today. While Weiner may yet have to resign his congressional seat, I wonder what the real cost is to the rest of us, what relationship we want with our leaders, and what we will do.

I’m in Champaign-Urbana, Illinois, today to conduct the second focus group of a series to be held across the nation with a cross-section of Americans on the state of politics and public life. This year marks the 20th anniversary of our landmark study, Citizens and Politics: A View from Main Street, which we’re updating, again in conjunction with the Kettering Foundation. In Detroit last week, where I held the first conversation, people could not name a single “leader” they trust.

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In our hopes to hope again, the result is that we jump from one political leader to another, in search for Mr. or Ms. Right, while political leaders become cartoon-like figures, contorting themselves to fit different political niches.

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Weiner’s actions may only deepen the negative, damning narrative Americans have about their leaders. Again and again I hear people say that political leaders are crooks, self-aggrandizing, concerned only with their own personal and partisan interests.

Meantime, our political leaders hold themselves up to be the final arbiters of truth and morality, all-knowing, even unblemished heroes. They seek our adoration and absolute approval.

To me, both approaches are sorely wanting. For in this construct there is little room for a real or authentic relationship. Give-and-take is replaced by bluster and condemnation. Finger-pointing and blame becomes the norm. Understanding is victim to shallowness. The quick fix is the coin of the realm.

In our hopes to hope again, the result is that we jump from one political leader to another, in search for Mr. or Ms. Right, while political leaders become cartoon-like figures, contorting themselves to fit different political niches. The upshot is that we lose sight of reality, people’s real needs and aspirations, and what it takes to create progress together. We forfeit the possibility to get good things done. And in this ugly process too often we give up on decent, honorable leaders.

As I watched Weiner’s press conference yesterday while in Chicago’s O’Hare airport, I couldn’t help but think about how fraught with frailties our lives are and how things so quickly can fall apart. In recent months, we’ve witnessed such human frailties as the result of natural disasters in Japan, Alabama, and Joplin, MO, among others.

And yet, such frailties are the result more times than not of our own making, as is the case with Weiner. He was forced in public to reveal what may have been his deepest, darkest private secret. Who knows the personal demons that caused Weiner to go down this path – he will need to figure that out.

But this latest episode causes me to wish that we would not place our leaders on pedestals, nor ask them to be super-human. In return, leaders would act with greater humility, and understand they are neither omnipotent nor omnipresent. They are human, frailties and all.

I’m not suggesting that you or I simply forgive Weiner’s frailties; he will have to work out his personal and public future, and each of us will come to our own conclusion about his actions. But, here’s the kicker: so long as we remain on the current path, we are destined to encounter even more anger and frustration – and sadness.

Simply throwing up our hands in disgust about Weiner will not enable our communities and the country to move ahead; nor will looking for the perfect leader. There are good people all around us; let’s find them and lend them our support.

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A dynamic public speaker, Rich Harwood is a frequent keynote for foundations and national organizations. He is an expert contributor on national and syndicated media outlets including MSNBC, NPR, The Christian Science Monitor, CNN’s Inside Politics, The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer, Special Report with Brit Hume, C-SPAN, and many others. He is also the author of Hope Unraveled: The people’s retreat and our way back (2005), Make Hope Real: How we can accelerate change for the public good (2008) and numerous studies, articles and essays chronicling vital issues of our time. His most recent written work, Why We’re Here: The Powerful Impact of Public Broadcasters When They Turn Outward, is being published and distributed in Spring 2011. You can follow him on twitter @RichHarwood and facebook.com/richharwood.

You can read Rich’s posts every Tuesday on State of the Re:Union’s website.